Just describe all your images perfectly, everything else is ableist, including thinking or talking about describing images; CW: long (almost 4,000 characters), Fediverse meta, alt-text meta, image description meta, AI mentioned, alt-text police mentioned, ableism meta
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I've learned something about alt-texts and image descriptions in the Fediverse again today:
You must never talk about alt-texts and image descriptions. Ever.Oh, sure you're allowed to give all those unsolicited lectures who don't provide alt-texts. Or alt-texts that don't describe the image. Or alt-texts that don't describe the image
accurately. Or alt-texts that don't describe the image
enough. Or alt-texts that don't describe the image
in the right way. Just prepare to be counter-attacked for being an intrusive, mansplaining reply guy, at least in the latter three cases.
But what you must never do, under any circumstances, is attempt to
discuss alt-texts and image descriptions. For that's ableist. Even if actually blind or visually-impaired Fediverse users may disagree. But since when does the Mastodon alt-text police listen to them? Or, in fact, to anyone?
You aren't allowed to ever ask if you're doing it right. For that's ableist, too.
You aren't even allowed to think about how to do it right. For that's ableist, too.
Just do it. Literally everything else is ableist.
Oh, but you absolutely must do it the right way. 100% by hand with no AI help whatsoever, even if you're blind or visually-impaired or autistic and unable to turn images into words. Absolutely accurately, at the right level of detail and in the right style. And you must know right off the bat what the right level of detail and the right style is.
Without thinking about it.
Thing is: The Mastodon alt-text police have never agreed upon one standard level of detail, depending on the circumstances, and one standard style. Everyone of them thinks that
their preferred way is the one and only gold standard, and everyone of them enforces their preferred way as if it's the one and only gold standard. All with no coordination with anyone else.
So you post an image, and you write an alt-text. Just like you think you're required to do. So far, so good.
Then comes Alice from the Mastodon alt-text police and calls you out as ableist because your image description isn't detailed enough. How
dare you mention there's something in the image without describing what it looks like? You're supposed to know that you have to do that!
Okay, so you edit it according to Alice's requirements.
Then comes Bob from the Mastodon alt-text police and calls you out as ableist because your image description is too long and too excessively detailed. You're supposed to know that you have to keep your alt-texts short and succinct and only describe what's important within the context of your post! Fun fact: Your original alt-text would have been too detailed for Bob, too.
Needless to say that Alice and Bob have never talked to each other. However, this is not so much due to the Fediverse-wide, Mastodon-imposed ban on discussing alt-texts and image descriptions. It's because both are on Mastodon and only on Mastodon, and Mastodon with its complete lack of support for enclosed conversations, much less groups, is absolutely horrible for discussions.
The only way to get around this is to never post any images or other media. However, if you mention at some point that you don't post images because you're afraid of uncoordinated Mastodon alt-text police attacks because one or some of them find your image descriptions not up to their personal standards, you'll probably be attacked for allegedly trying to weasel out of your responsibility.
Of course, this also means that
my WIP wiki about how to describe images and write alt-texts for the Fediverse is pointless. Not only pointless, but its very existence is ableist. And if someone else reads it, they're ableist, too. So don't click or tap that link.
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